Tiffany Stories Parts 1 and 2

So, there's this girl at work named Tiffany. She has a pretend boyfriend. Not the sort of pretend boyfriend that gets talked about all the time around here, but a REAL pretend boyfriend. She actually made him up. Actually, to be fair this is her second pretend boyfriend. The first one's name is Tommy. About 2-3 weeks before Christmas, Tiffany told me about her boyfriend, Tommy. She said this while I was holding a TomTom GPS system: "TomTom? Yeah, that's my boyfriend's name, Tommy. Hahaha...he's kind of like a map." 



Yes, I suppose he is. I'm sure Tommy also only exists on paper. Anyway, if Tiffany had a boyfriend we would already know. She's the sort of girl that if a guy gave her more than a glance she would strongly consider marrying him. That day. She has had a SERIOUS crush on every guy that works with us (Including the 41 year old boss). Anyway, back to Tommy. After telling me about him, she says that she just started dating him a week ago. They are discussing their Christmas plans and now they have to go to her family and then his family. She is SOOO stressed out. I hear about this for days. "Tommy is sooo great! Christmas is going to be sooo great! Except...OH MY GOD!!! I forgot my brother is going to be there!!! He is going to ask Tommy soooo many questions!!" or "Tommy is such a jerk!! We have to go to his mother's house, his grandmother's house, his dad's house, AND his aunt's house. It's because they all just LOVE me. It's going to be such a looong day!"

On December 24, I walked into work and Tiffany said "I am sooo mad!! Tommy is at the airport. He's going to Germany." 
I said "Right now? I thought you had plans for Christmas?" (I tend to encourage her behavior as I find it extremely entertaining.)
 She says "WE DID! That's why he didn't want to tell me ahead of time that he was going to Germany! He knew I'd be mad. He is going to see his grandmother. I am sooo upset!"


 Between Christmas and New Year I asked Tiffany when Tommy is coming home. She said "He isn't!! He got that whore pregnant!" "What whore?" 
"The one he met in Germany" (Now I know that you just did the math. Although long enough to get someone pregnant, it's not long enough for the person to know that you got them pregnant.)
 "He's doing the right thing and staying in Germany. Forever."

Tiffany Part II

Current mood:  amused

About 3 weeks ago, I walked into work and Tiffany was working. This was a Wednesday. She says to me, "Okapi! I'm not sure if I have a date today or next Wednesday." I say "Uh, you should probably figure it out. Where are you going on your date?" She looks out the window at the Chili's in our parking lot and looks back at me. She says "We're going to Chili's. It's his favorite restaurant!!" Wow. What a coincidence.

I work with her again on that Friday and ask her if she went on her date. She did! And he's perfect! She tells me that he picked her up and brought her flowers! (She told me the kind, but I can't remember flower names. This is an affliction I've had my whole life. I do however remember that it was her FAVORITE kind of flower and she hadn't even TOLD him her favorite kind of flower!) He also brought her mom candy and her dad a Nascar T-shirt! (Her dad is a huge Nascar fan. This guy did not even KNOW that at the time!!) Before she went out to the car with him, her mom took her aside to say "Tiffany, I think he's the ONE! Seriously. I think you are going to marry this man!" Wow. So, she goes out to the car and it's cold out, you know? And Tiffany's coat is kind of thin? But don't worry!! He had a coat waiting in the car for her just in case. They ended up going to Don Pablo's and his ENTIRE family was there! They bought her dinner and just loved her!! She had a great time! His name is Tre (Pronounced "tray")! He IS perfect! The only problem is that he lives in South Carolina.


(Names may be changed to protect the...Tiffany.)