Sunday, July 31, 2011

Weasel Chronicles Part 1

This okapi used to know a weasel and these are the stories from that time period. I hope you enjoy :)

In some of these stories you'll hear me say “when the Weasel had her money” or refer to someone as “acquaintance.” She received a legal settlement every year for four or five years to the tune of $26,000 per year, so that would be when she had her money. The money came in a lump sum each year and she would run through this money in less than three months.

An “acquaintance” is anyone who showed up in her life the same week as her check, chilled till the money was gone and then pretended she wasn't alive (every year for 4 years). I was fortunate enough to experience all of these adventures. “How does someone run through $26,000 in a few months?” You may ask. Did she put a down payment on a house? Pay off an apartment for a year? Buy a reliable car? NO. This is the Weasel we’re talking about. Here' an example of the sorts of things she'd blow cash on: 

You know how bars that gets free display bottles from liquor companies? Well, the Weasel goes into a bar with an acquaintance and the girl likes the “magical bottle with the lightning”. The bartender, of course, says it isn't for sale. Then the Weasel puts $500 down on the bar. She comes home and tells me about it with a smug look on her face. I call her a fucking idiot. She takes this personally and stomps out of the room. I would take it personally too, if I was a fucking idiot. 

Or, how about the time the Weasel bought a used Monty Carlo. I know, you're thinking that buying a car is a good investment. This is only true if A) the car works and B) you have a driver’s license. It didn't work and she didn't have a license. The guy who she bought it from was asking $800, and was willing to drop it to $600 since she was a young girl. She talked him up to $1200. Why? That's how much she felt it was worth.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tiffany Stories Part 11

Tiffany: There was a dog in the wedding.

Me: What?

T: Her name is Consuela Margarita Clarissa.

Me: Oh.

 So, the wedding happens and all is well. A few days later I see Tiffany and she tells me that the honeymoon only lasted two days. I asked why and she told me that they had college. I let her know that it was February break that week. She stared at me and said "Yeah, well, they have to prepare for school..." She walked away and rang out a customer.

When she returned, her game face was on again. She let me know that the honeymoon was supposed to be a week. The reason that it was cut short was the fighting. Tiffany then let me know how the fighting began BEFORE the wedding.  Here's what happened:

A couple of days before the wedding (while Tiffany was running around preparing the wedding) there was a situation at Barnes and Noble. Tiffany was there getting a book for the bride about...weddings when she saw Eric (the groom) at the book store with his ex, Karen. Eric dated Karen in high school. Everyone thought that they would be together, like forever, ya know? 

So, Eric was at Barnes and Noble drinking coffee and talking to Karen. Tiffany hid and watched them. Eric handed Karen a wedding invitation! He was specifically told NOT to invite her by Angela. So when he handed the invitation over to Karen, Tiffany took a picture with her camera phone and sent it to Angela! 

So, after the wedding everything got bad. When they returned home Karen left a message on Eric's phone. It said "I love you. I have always loved you and we should still be together." Since Eric and Angela have the same phone, Angela heard the message "by mistake". Clearly, Tiffany did not take voicemail codes into consideration when telling this story…

When Tiffany went to lunch with Eric he told her about this situation. Tiffany told him to erase the message. He asked what the point was as Angela already heard it. She said "No! You must erase it immediately!! Erase it!! It's the right thing to do!!" It turns out that Karen also sent a text message saying to leave his wife for her. Thanks to this Karen issue they are not speaking to each other. Well, that and they're having problems in the bedroom. So, they decided to go to therapy. Guess who has to go to therapy with them? That's right! Tiffany goes to therapy with them. 

I asked why and she told me that she is their common ground. Wow. They have been together this long and Tiffany is their common ground. Huh. Maybe she's right, they shouldn't have gotten married.  The next time I saw Tiffany she said "Okapi, there is a new man in my life!" Thank God.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Great Chair Adventure

This okapi goddamn loves furless dogs. Those wonderpups up there are my 3 member furless family and they LOVE to sit with me. Can you spot the problem with my recliner? 

This is what it usually looks like from my perspective (once I pull back the blanket of course, because furlesses goddamn love blankets). The Captain looks shocked because I pulled back his protective blanket layer, in fact.

Anyway, the point is there wasn't much space for me and 3 furlesses on that tiny chair. There was always at least one dog head (or entire body) on each of my legs. This made it hard to use Mr. Laptop.

Double doggies made it I knew something must be done. I went on Craigslist and looked at the listing of recliners. I know, someone used CL for something other than looking at cocks! Okay, I looked at that, too, but then I looked at recliners...

I found an awesome double wide recliner listed for $50, not a bad deal at all. I shot the poster an email asking if it was still available and then continued to look at recliners. Guess what I found? The same chair by the same poster for $35 posted the week before. I know what you're thinking: "Who raises a price when they can't sell something? And why didn't they just delete the old post?!"

So, when they let me know it was still available I wrote back asking if the price was still $35 and if it was, I'd love to come take a look at it. I noticed from the pic that a board may have been broken in the back, so $35 seemed fair. They wrote back and said they could let it go for $35 which is good, because otherwise they shouldn't have posted it for that amount. Am I right?

Fancy works on the east side where the chair lived, so she stopped by to look at it after work. She forgot her Droid at home that day, so naturally we both had to worry that she'd be murdered when she went to look at Mr. Recliner II. About a half hour after she got out of work, she called me from the seller's phone to tell me that I needed to come help her load it in the car. In Victor. 

So, I had to put away the furlesses, put gas in my Sharky, and drive to Victor. I got stuck in traffic and lost thanks to google maps. When I finally arrived, I found Fancy and the sellers drinking wine and smoking cigarettes while they waited for me. "You want a beer?!" I was asked excitedly as I walked through the door. No, I don't want a beer. I want to know why two perfectly healthy, drunk people couldn't help Fancy load the car, but for $35 I don't bitch. They all insist that I try out my new chair which I do to humor them and then we can finally leave. The guy takes off the back of the chair and acts shocked that the board is broken.

Meanwhile, the lady tells Fancy all about this mattress in great shape that she has for sale. She finishes this sales pitch by saying that she just has to clean the blood off of it because she hemorrhaged on it at one point. What would have made it in bad shape?

We left and I brought the chair to this okapi's good buddy Mr. Fix-It (the smart version of my other friend, Mr. Patch-It). Mr. Fix-It reinforced the old board and attached a new piece of wood across the break. He finished the job by cutting off the edges of the's now stronger than it was when manufactured. YAY, MR FIX-IT!!!

Look at that space!! I can fit furlesses on both sides of me or all on one side! The space doubles when the foot rest comes up because it's attached, which is even better. This okapi loves Mr. Recliner II and Rochester area CL: great deals, unique people, and a great cock pic assortment. If you haven't checked it out lately, why not head over there and take a look around? You never know what awesomeness you might find. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Giuseppe's Review

Last night, Fancy and I joined our D'ville family for dinner at one of my favorite little Italian joints: Giuseppe's in Gates. This half bakery/half restaurant is tucked into the back of a half dead plaza on Spencerport Rd across the street from Wegmans, and it is small, but totally worth seeking out.

I'll begin where every great Italian meal must start: The bread. The loaf is homemade and delicious. I love the crusty exterior with the soft, doughy interior; it's everything Italian bread was meant to be.

This okapi goddamn loves calamari. The lightly battered and fried squid pictured above was cooked just right, which is the most important part of calamari excellence.  Although cooked well, it unfortunately wasn't terribly flavorful. A little more seasoning would have pushed this from "pretty good" to "perfect" since the homemade red sauce is a delightful accompaniment to this dish.

This salad (dressing requested on the side) came with my meal and was pretty good. I liked the variety of toppings such as black olives (4!), peppers, onion, tomato, and chick peas (Fancy likes those disgusting things). My issue here was that some of the lettuce was brown and soft which should have been noticed in the kitchen.

Mrs. D'ville ordered one of my personal favorites, Chicken Parmigiano. The chicken is fried perfectly and the portion is generous for this $12 meal. This is the same homemade sauce used for the calamari: you can taste the delicious Italian meats and old world spices cooked right into it. 

Mr. D'ville ordered the Chicken Piccata: battered and fried chicken in a caper, lemon, wine, butter sauce over pasta. He loved it! The sauce was reminiscent of a Chicken French sauce, light and tasty. I would recommend this to anyone who wants something a little different from classic Italian red sauce. It's still homemade and freaking awesome, especially for just under 13 bucks.

The D'ville kiddos had spaghetti and chicken fingers which were quite good and each plate was under $4. The fries taste home cut and the portions were fantastic. 

Normally, I would picture my meal next, but I messed up. I managed to take a pic of everyone's meal but my own. Okapi fail. Anyway, I had the All You Can Eat Pasta for $7.95. Oh, and it gets better: It comes with a salad and either 2 meatballs, 2 sausage, or 1 of each. I picked the spaghetti as my pasta of choice and it was a larger plate, but otherwise looked like the kids plate pictured above. I had to get extra sauce which is fine (okapis love sauce), but what was not fine was the pasta being WAY overcooked. There was even a piece that was half brown indicating that it was burnt. My second plate was cooked perfectly, however.

Fancy calls the greens and beans from here the best in town and she'd know, that okapi loves her some greens and beans. It's spiced perfectly with high quality sausage and delicious homemade broth. This giant bowl for only $5 could easily be a meal all by itself.

By the way, they also serve subs and pizza. This is Fancy's steak special sub which was also around $5, not a bad deal at all. They give you plenty of steak, peppers, mushrooms, and mozzarella on a delicious homemade roll.

All in all dinner was good. The all you can eat special can't be beat and is available most week days. I suppose I could have had it sent back due to overcooking, but then I would have had to watch everyone else eat and okapis HATE that. Since the place is very small, you might want to call ahead on weekends or if you have a larger party. The service is good, if a bit slow. That being said, everything is made from scratch, so I'm willing to wait. Oddly, this is the most negative experience I've had there and all of my other experiences would be an easy 5, but because of today's issues,this okapi gives Giuseppe's 4 stars. 

Giuseppe's Pizzeria on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Art of the Okapi Lunch Antipasto

The first key to a great lunch antipasto is fresh, high quality ingredients, and if there's one thing this okapi knows about it's how to find the very best ingredients for the best prices in this city. So, let's take a little tour, shall we?

I started at the Rochester Public Market. This was rated #1farmers market in the country last year, and there is no doubt in my mind that they earned this honor. This is where I got the tomato, romaine lettuce, 5 year aged sharp cheddar, olives, and cranberry stilton cheese. 

The produce can be purchased on any day the market is open (Tues, Thurs, Sat year round, extended days summer) at pretty much any farmers stand, so why not enjoy the ambiance and haggle a little?

The olives however can found at VM Giordano (open Thurs/Sat Only) which is a small cheese and olive shoppe located along the NW section of the market. For this lunch antipasto I chose green olives with herb de province from this shop. This is a great cheese and olive shop, but they are way busy. It would pay to research their product list before heading over so you know exactly what you want. This okapi didn't do that, so the rest of the olives and cheese were purchased from a cheese stand. 

There are two cheese companies that sell a huge variety of cheese and olives (Sat only) at stands in the main market and either one will do. I purchased feta stuffed green olives, pitted kalamata olives, 5 year aged cheddar, and cranberry stilton cheese: all for a fraction of the Wegmans price.

The rest of my ingredients were purchased on West Ridge Road. I started at Ridge and Dewey by hitting up Skip's Meat Market. This place has the the best prices for cold cuts that I've seen in the area. Many are under $5 per pound which is significantly less expensive than local super markets. They slice the meat any way you want it and you can buy as little or as much as you want. I grabbed some sandwich pepperoni, salami, and capicola. 

My next stop was Gruttadauria Bakery which is on Ridge near 390. This awesome place fills cannolis while you wait. They are amazingly fresh, crisp, and delicious. They can even be customized = awesome! 

Lastly, I popped into Pino's Deli which is found in Buckman's Plaza (west of the mall). This place bakes rolls fresh all day and I often get them hot. This okapi loves hot, fresh Italian bread more than almost anything in the whole world. The giant rolls that you see in the pic are called "paninis" by this place, but they look more like mini Italian loafs to me. Oh, and they're only 75¢ each.

I get that not everyone wants to do all of this running around and for those of you who want a kick ass lunch antipasto, but don't want the hassle, go to Wegmans. They have all of these ingredients, and other than the cannolis and bread, they are equal in quality/freshness. The difference here is in price, folks... and if you stop at the other places you're supporting small local businesses.

Either way you get your ingredients, the next step is the same: presentation. It's terrible to go out of your way to buy a bunch of great ingredients and then just throw them on a plate or (gasp!) serve them in the bags you bought them in. The way I see it, you have two options here:

Option 1: Divide it up like I did above. This can be done in any way as long as you separate the ingredients in a neat way. This okapi chose to do one serving dish for meat and hard cheese, one for soft cheese, and another for olives. You could do it cheese and olives on one and meat on another or split the olives...the options are really endless. It just depends on what kinds of serving dishes you have available.

Option 2: Put it all on one serving tray. If you have a huge tray, you can put all of this stuff  together. If you do this, you should alternate items for visual appeal. An example would be green olives, salami, kalamata olives, capicola, stuffed green olives, then sandwich pepperoni around the outside with a ring of cheddar in the inner ring and stilton in the center. Get creative!

Any way you do it, be neat and make sure to put down something like lettuce leaves as a barrier between the tray and foods. Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tiffany Stories Part 10

Last Friday* I'm standing at the service desk refilling a display when I look up to see Tiffany writing feverishly on a post-it note. There are three post-it notes spread out across her check-out lane. She looks up, closes one eye, looks at the ceiling with the other eye and begins to mumble to herself and count invisible items out by poking them with her pen in mid air.

I stare for a moment and then the inevitable "Hey, Tiffany! What the hell are you doing?"

Tiffany: I am planning a WEDDING, Okapi.

Me: Who's getting married? 

T: A friend of mine named Eric and his girlfriend, Angela. They are getting married on Sunday, so I don't have much time!

Me: THIS Sunday?

T: Yes. 

Wow. Tiffany has two days to plan a wedding! It's a good thing that she has Sunday off! I ask what she has done so far. She has the dresses being made, the flowers ordered, the venue set-up, and now is doing the last minute stuff. What a miracle! A 48 hour dress maker!

I see Tiffany again on Monday and she tells me that the wedding went great. It was in Buffalo. The bachelor party was on Friday night which Tiffany planned, of course. She drove up to Buffalo directly after work. (Note: Tiffany has never even driven on the expressway much less the thru-way as she is deathly afraid of high volumes of traffic. I know this because I had to drive her to our work Christmas party.) 

Her job during the bachelor party was to keep all of the men in the hotel room as the women were staying in the same hotel. Saturday everyone had to wake up at 4AM to go on a boat ride and watch the sunrise...IN BUFFALO IN JANUARY. Tiffany reports that it was quite cold. Everyone had breakfast and then the rehearsal took place. After that there was the bachelorette party. 

The wedding day was almost a disaster! No one could find the brides dress! The bride called Tiffany and asked if she had the dress. She did not. Tiffany called the bride's mother who also did not have the dress. She then called the groom's mother just in case she had the dress. She also did not know where the dress was. Tiffany then called the bride and told her to check the "Bride's Room". It was there. 

Why the hell was everyone calling each other if they were all in the same hotel? Why wouldn't one assume that the dress was in the "Bride's Room"? Especially if that someone was Tiffany who told the dressmaker to put it there? Then there were the bridesmaid's dresses. Some were too long, some had missing buttons, and some were too short! Tiffany called the dress maker and she rushed to the hotel. She did not mind as she only lives in Rochester.

The bride got cold feet and was hiding in the hotel. The groom got cold feet and was hiding under a table in the banquet hall where the reception was to be held.

*This was clearly many last Fridays ago...

Monday, July 25, 2011

Critic's Restaurant Review

Fancy and I recently had lunch at Critic's in Greece Ridge Mall. It's a diner that has been around for a real long time and is known for consistently good chow at decent prices. We arrived in the early afternoon on a Saturday and the place was fairly busy.

Fancy ordered a California Chicken Wrap and made sure to ask for her ranch dressing on the side. To be specific she asked, "So, there's no dressing on the actual wrap,right?" The waitress said that was correct. When our food came out, Fancy started to eat it and was confused as to why there was caesar dressing dripping out the bottom. They actually served her a Chicken Caesar Wrap...with ranch on the side. She didn't want to complain and just ate it...I would have handled it differently, but you know.

That being said, she did enjoy the wrap. The chicken was juicy and it was perfectly filled. Lettuce, tomato, and chicken was evenly distributed for a consistent taste experience. They put her ranch dressing on my plate and my blue cheese on hers-not a huge deal, but it adds to my unhappiness since her entire order was already wrong.

This okapi loves buffalo chicken. I love buffalo chicken fingers, sandwiches, and wraps. So, of course I had to try out the Critic's version of the local favorite: buffalo chicken sandwich. I was very happy that they really hammered down the chicken breast to a nice, thin layer of breaded deliciousness. The sauce wasn't messy or just (jeebus for bid) poured over the top; it's really cooked in there which was nice.

The fries were of the "extra crispy" variety which is always nice and these lived up to the name. They were fresh and hot, if a little too greasy. The sandwich is usually served with lettuce and tomato, but I asked for that to be held. The roll was nicely toasted and I was happy to see that the chicken was longer than the roll.

So, the food was quite good and piping hot which is important, but so is accuracy. The waitress was friendly, if a bit absentee and the prices were fair. I'm a bit torn about this rating because we admittedly didn't give the place an opportunity to correct the mistake. Fancy hates it when this okapi has to complain about an issue, so since it was her meal, it was her call. Okay, I'll quit stalling. This okapi gives Critic's 3 stars overall.

Critic's on the Mall on Urbanspoon

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Stoney's Mini Review

This is actually a mini-review of a Rochester diner: Stoney's on Lyell Ave. I went here a couple of days ago with my father and although I'd been there before for breakfast, this was my first lunch food experience. I love the old diner stand-by: grilled cheese. If a diner can do that well, this okapi is happy.

The bread is nicely toasted with a medium brown surface and not soggy at all. The cheese is melted and covered the bread fully providing a consistent taste experience. The fries are crispy and hot, not limp and oily: perfect.

Dad had what most folks know Stoney's for: breakfast. The eggs are perfectly poached in the cup, which is actually quite difficult to accomplish. One measure of a good diner is the ability to cook eggs in any way you want 'em with the poached being the most challenging, so well done.

Next up is that delightful toast you see above. It's rare to get some authentic Italian toast, but they have it. It's crispy on the outside and soft inside, toasted evenly. The butter isn't over whelming the toast or causing soggy-greasiness.

The potatoes are large and firm, clearly fresh cut, and browned on a grill. They're greasy, but it's expected because they're homefries. This isn't exactly a health meal folks. The sausage patties are large, hot, and tasty.

The waitress was friendly and refilled the coffee frequently. Food was fast and the bill came to just under $13 for both meals and a coffee. The price isn't too bad and the food is tasty, but if you want the most bang for your buck head there for breakfast. Most of those plates start out at under 5 bucks (before upgrades). This okapi gives Stoney's 4 stars.

Stoney's Family on Urbanspoon

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Death of a Wegmans One Week Later

More emptiness has settled in on Britton Rd. Wegmans this past week. Notice the lack of candy/impulse items at the registers above. They look old and lonely.

Deli/prepared foods is mainly vacant. Last week there was still a full deli case and handful of employees.

The full and cheery display of doughnuts and bagels  in the otherwise empty bakery was a surprising find. Why keep stocking that?

That 30 pack of keystone ice is $5. 

All wharfed up.... BTW: Did you hear about Pittsford Wegmans getting a rare yellow lobster in a shipment and instead of selling it for a bunch of cash donating it to an aquarium? This is why we love Wegmans around here and mourn their deaths.

This is the dairy section which I showed half full last week. It has sort of a post-apocalyptic feel now...

Remember the bulk section from the last post? Well, it's gone now. You know what Walmart doesn't have? That's right, a bulk section. (If you answered "a soul" you still get full credit.)

Luckily, they're still stocking milk to go with the doughnuts and bagels. It's like a macabre "going away party" theme.

This okapi says, "Goodbye Britton Road Wegmans. I'll never forget all of the memories we have together: from my teenage years, early 20s, and then when we came together again recently upon my moving to your neighborhood. Thanks for everything." 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

How to Comment as a Unique Snowflake

I've heard from several people who are having difficulty commenting using their name, so this okapi has made tutorial :)

Step 1: Click on the dropbox where it says "comment as: Select profile" 

Step 2: Click on "Name/URL"

Step 3: Type your name and press "continue". You can leave "URL" blank.

Step 4: Write in your awesomely witty comment (or just celebrate your ability to comment, you know whatever...).

Step 5: Click "Post Comment" and it will look like this:

Congratulations, you have successfully commented!!

Tiffany Stories Part 9

Tiffany: So, I had my phone off, right? And then I turned it on to get a call mom. I had 8 voice mails! They were all from Tre.

Me: Wow! What did he have to say?

T: The first message was "Hi". The second was "Hi Tiffany, it's me" The third was "Hi Tiffany, it's me Tre." You know it kept getting longer. The eighth one said "Hi Tiffany. How have you been?"  Melissa found out that he had been cheating on me when they first got together. She freaked out and dumped him. He now realized how much he missed me. He said that if I didn't have a boyfriend, he wants me back! He said that he would be in town for Valentine's Day and wanted to see me.

Me: So?

T: I erased all of his messages. I am done with him.

Me: Wow. 

T: Then my phone rang and it was him. I picked it up and he said "Tiffany, look behind you." I did and there he was!! He had roses and a bottle of wine!

Me: Where were you?

T: (blank look with pause) my car! I had just pulled into my driveway. He pulled up behind me and got out of his car with the wine and roses.

Me: That's fucking crazy, man.

T: So, I took the roses and threw them on the ground. I stomped on them. I took the bottle of wine, opened it, and dumped it on him!! My dad told him that if he ever went near me again, he would be shot. 
(Where did she get the goddamn corkscrew from??)

Me: So, that's it? You're done?

T: Yes. Then I called his mom and told her. She told me that she would disown him. She is done with him because of what he did to me. She is going to have me take his place. She loves me.

Okapi Weight Loss Program Phase 2 (Update)

Yesterday Fancy and I called an end to the hell of fasting. I had wanted to quit since the first day and Fancy finally decided to join the charge after 3.5 days. Remember that juice that made me want to puke? Well, it eventually had the same affect on her. I knew it was evil, pond scummy, putridness and it would only be a matter of time. Sometimes my nose still catches a whiff of something and my taste buds have a lucid day terror of retasting it. I'm not sure I can eat red peppers again.

All in all I lost 5 pounds, as you can see in the pic above, and that's something. Phase 1 is still going strong for me, so I will update the whole situation soon. During the fast I only did the main 5 exercises: squats, push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, and dips because of low energy. This okapi is totally okay with that because they're the core exercises for my 6 week plan.

My first meal when I quit? Japanese food from Blue Ocean (formerly Kyoto...Google hasn't updated the listing yet). It was fantastic as usual, but review. I was so excited for real food/disoriented from the fast that I forgot to take any pics until I was finished. Okapi fail.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Best Present an Okapi Could Ask For

"Killerokapi" By: Amber D. Knox

Rochester Pride: Wear Your Flair Edition

This is the last installment of the Rochester Pride Series and will be an eclectic mix of groups and people that stood out at the parade thanks to their particular flair. Few things scream "PRIDE!!" like a bunch of men carrying a pink dragon. Well done, sirs.

I don't even want to know how long it took to put this balloon carriage together, but it is amazing. I would have to say that the Creativity Flair Award would to go to this float. (That may not seem like a big deal, but this is a Pride Parade, so you know...the creative flair standard is at it's highest.)

We LOVE parents that carry signs (and beliefs) like this gentleman. If every parent of every child were like this, bigotry would go the way of the dodo.

These PFLAG parents make me extremely happy. Kiltman asked this lady on the right which son she loved more and she replied "I love them EQUALLY!" Awesome. 

The GAGV youth group sported a Robin Hood theme which this okapi is all about. It's great that there's a supportive place for the LGBTQ youth to go and be fully accepted.

Even our neighbors from Buffalo showed up with this awesome bison statue. Ah, a bison in drag...all is well in the world.

ROC City Roller Derby came in full bad-ass flair. This okapi thinks roller derby is a kick-ass sport where women show how much tougher they are than guys. By the way: The members of this league do all aspects of the business: it is a member owned and run organization meaning the skaters do everything from marketing to accounting to training and competing. See? Bad-ass.

The Fagbug was at the parade which is damn cool. The lady driving it had her car vandalized due to sporting a pride sticker. She decided to use the negative experience to spread the word about hate crimes and homophobia by traveling the country with her spray painted car. When she returned home, she had it repainted in full rainbow. Way to show 'em Fagbug!!

In closing this okapi would like to let you know that Pride Week is really the only time of year that many of us can let our flair show fully. Members of the LGBTQ community are a minority who spend their lives living by the rules and norms of another group. We learn to blend in so that we can get jobs, housing, and acceptance. We have to be aware of our surroundings and the people around us, so next time you see one of us that doesn't blend in to the bigger society, please don't stare-we're just trying to make it to next Pride Week without losing too much of ourselves.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Okapi Weight Loss Program Phase 2 (Update Day 3)

Dear Juice Fast:

I hate you more than anything in the whole world. Do you remember the juice drank in the film where everyone tasted it and said that they kinda liked it? It's terrible. I found this other juice called "The Chiller" from a book and although "Fancy" could drink it, it made me nearly vomit. No, really my mouth waters in that bad way just thinking about it.

On Day 1 I nearly lost my mind and after referencing the website, I realized that there is an express version of the juice fast/reboot. It says I can eat raw or cooked (boiled) fruits/veggies as well as juice. Thank jeebus for that, the first apple I ate that day was like mana from the heavens.

Yesterday was Day 2 and I was pissed off all day. "Fancy" was too, but not nearly as crazy as me. Have you ever seen this okapi without food? It's like this:

So, now I'm on Day 3 and repeating the mantra "3 more days, 3 more days..." in my mind during every waking hour. I'm also trying to sleep as much as possible because okapis are peaceful when asleep and not so  angry. 

The only good juice I have found is (unsurprisingly) fresh apple juice. It is amazing. I also eat fresh fruit for breakfast like peaches yesterday and cantaloupe today which is delicious, but other than that my food intake sucks. 

I am goddamn sick of boiled zucchini, boiled carrots, and dressingless salads. I hate vegetable mixture juices and tasteless food. I have lost three pounds in case anyone was wondering, but I am convinced that it's just water weight from not eating salt. So, I'll update this part of the Okapi Weight Loss Program on Friday which will be here in 3 more days, 3 more days...

Vomitously and Ax-Murderously Yours,