Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Okapi Weight Loss Program Phase 2 (Update Day 3)

Dear Juice Fast:

I hate you more than anything in the whole world. Do you remember the juice drank in the film where everyone tasted it and said that they kinda liked it? It's terrible. I found this other juice called "The Chiller" from a book and although "Fancy" could drink it, it made me nearly vomit. No, really my mouth waters in that bad way just thinking about it.

On Day 1 I nearly lost my mind and after referencing the website, I realized that there is an express version of the juice fast/reboot. It says I can eat raw or cooked (boiled) fruits/veggies as well as juice. Thank jeebus for that, the first apple I ate that day was like mana from the heavens.

Yesterday was Day 2 and I was pissed off all day. "Fancy" was too, but not nearly as crazy as me. Have you ever seen this okapi without food? It's like this:

So, now I'm on Day 3 and repeating the mantra "3 more days, 3 more days..." in my mind during every waking hour. I'm also trying to sleep as much as possible because okapis are peaceful when asleep and not so  angry. 

The only good juice I have found is (unsurprisingly) fresh apple juice. It is amazing. I also eat fresh fruit for breakfast like peaches yesterday and cantaloupe today which is delicious, but other than that my food intake sucks. 

I am goddamn sick of boiled zucchini, boiled carrots, and dressingless salads. I hate vegetable mixture juices and tasteless food. I have lost three pounds in case anyone was wondering, but I am convinced that it's just water weight from not eating salt. So, I'll update this part of the Okapi Weight Loss Program on Friday which will be here in 3 more days, 3 more days...

Vomitously and Ax-Murderously Yours,


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