Tiffany Stories Part 9

Tiffany: So, I had my phone off, right? And then I turned it on to get a call from...my mom. I had 8 voice mails! They were all from Tre.

Me: Wow! What did he have to say?

T: The first message was "Hi". The second was "Hi Tiffany, it's me" The third was "Hi Tiffany, it's me Tre." You know it kept getting longer. The eighth one said "Hi Tiffany. How have you been?"  Melissa found out that he had been cheating on me when they first got together. She freaked out and dumped him. He now realized how much he missed me. He said that if I didn't have a boyfriend, he wants me back! He said that he would be in town for Valentine's Day and wanted to see me.

Me: So?

T: I erased all of his messages. I am done with him.

Me: Wow. 

T: Then my phone rang and it was him. I picked it up and he said "Tiffany, look behind you." I did and there he was!! He had roses and a bottle of wine!

Me: Where were you?

T: (blank look with pause) I...was...in my car! I had just pulled into my driveway. He pulled up behind me and got out of his car with the wine and roses.

Me: That's fucking crazy, man.

T: So, I took the roses and threw them on the ground. I stomped on them. I took the bottle of wine, opened it, and dumped it on him!! My dad told him that if he ever went near me again, he would be shot. 
(Where did she get the goddamn corkscrew from??)

Me: So, that's it? You're done?

T: Yes. Then I called his mom and told her. She told me that she would disown him. She is done with him because of what he did to me. She is going to have me take his place. She loves me.

Okapi Weight Loss Program Phase 2 (Update)

Yesterday Fancy and I called an end to the hell of fasting. I had wanted to quit since the first day and Fancy finally decided to join the charge after 3.5 days. Remember that juice that made me want to puke? Well, it eventually had the same affect on her. I knew it was evil, pond scummy, putridness and it would only be a matter of time. Sometimes my nose still catches a whiff of something and my taste buds have a lucid day terror of retasting it. I'm not sure I can eat red peppers again.

All in all I lost 5 pounds, as you can see in the pic above, and that's something. Phase 1 is still going strong for me, so I will update the whole situation soon. During the fast I only did the main 5 exercises: squats, push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, and dips because of low energy. This okapi is totally okay with that because they're the core exercises for my 6 week plan.

My first meal when I quit? Japanese food from Blue Ocean (formerly Kyoto...Google hasn't updated the listing yet). It was fantastic as usual, but alas...no review. I was so excited for real food/disoriented from the fast that I forgot to take any pics until I was finished. Okapi fail.

Best Present an Okapi Could Ask For

"Killerokapi" By: Amber D. Knox

Rochester Pride: Wear Your Flair Edition

This is the last installment of the Rochester Pride Series and will be an eclectic mix of groups and people that stood out at the parade thanks to their particular flair. Few things scream "PRIDE!!" like a bunch of men carrying a pink dragon. Well done, sirs.

I don't even want to know how long it took to put this balloon carriage together, but it is amazing. I would have to say that the Creativity Flair Award would to go to this float. (That may not seem like a big deal, but this is a Pride Parade, so you know...the creative flair standard is at it's highest.)

We LOVE parents that carry signs (and beliefs) like this gentleman. If every parent of every child were like this, bigotry would go the way of the dodo.

These PFLAG parents make me extremely happy. Kiltman asked this lady on the right which son she loved more and she replied "I love them EQUALLY!" Awesome. 

The GAGV youth group sported a Robin Hood theme which this okapi is all about. It's great that there's a supportive place for the LGBTQ youth to go and be fully accepted.

Even our neighbors from Buffalo showed up with this awesome bison statue. Ah, a bison in drag...all is well in the world.

ROC City Roller Derby came in full bad-ass flair. This okapi thinks roller derby is a kick-ass sport where women show how much tougher they are than guys. By the way: The members of this league do all aspects of the business: it is a member owned and run organization meaning the skaters do everything from marketing to accounting to training and competing. See? Bad-ass.

The Fagbug was at the parade which is damn cool. The lady driving it had her car vandalized due to sporting a pride sticker. She decided to use the negative experience to spread the word about hate crimes and homophobia by traveling the country with her spray painted car. When she returned home, she had it repainted in full rainbow. Way to show 'em Fagbug!!

In closing this okapi would like to let you know that Pride Week is really the only time of year that many of us can let our flair show fully. Members of the LGBTQ community are a minority who spend their lives living by the rules and norms of another group. We learn to blend in so that we can get jobs, housing, and acceptance. We have to be aware of our surroundings and the people around us, so next time you see one of us that doesn't blend in to the bigger society, please don't stare-we're just trying to make it to next Pride Week without losing too much of ourselves.

Okapi Weight Loss Program Phase 2 (Update Day 3)

Dear Juice Fast:

I hate you more than anything in the whole world. Do you remember the juice drank in the film where everyone tasted it and said that they kinda liked it? It's terrible. I found this other juice called "The Chiller" from a book and although "Fancy" could drink it, it made me nearly vomit. No, really my mouth waters in that bad way just thinking about it.

On Day 1 I nearly lost my mind and after referencing the website, I realized that there is an express version of the juice fast/reboot. It says I can eat raw or cooked (boiled) fruits/veggies as well as juice. Thank jeebus for that, the first apple I ate that day was like mana from the heavens.

Yesterday was Day 2 and I was pissed off all day. "Fancy" was too, but not nearly as crazy as me. Have you ever seen this okapi without food? It's like this:

So, now I'm on Day 3 and repeating the mantra "3 more days, 3 more days..." in my mind during every waking hour. I'm also trying to sleep as much as possible because okapis are peaceful when asleep and not so  angry. 

The only good juice I have found is (unsurprisingly) fresh apple juice. It is amazing. I also eat fresh fruit for breakfast like peaches yesterday and cantaloupe today which is delicious, but other than that my food intake sucks. 

I am goddamn sick of boiled zucchini, boiled carrots, and dressingless salads. I hate vegetable mixture juices and tasteless food. I have lost three pounds in case anyone was wondering, but I am convinced that it's just water weight from not eating salt. So, I'll update this part of the Okapi Weight Loss Program on Friday which will be here in 3 more days, 3 more days...

Vomitously and Ax-Murderously Yours,

Killerokapi