Sunday, April 15, 2012

List of Friendship Requirements

A law school friend of mine, Paradox, told me about a conversation he had with one of his friends.  They both live on campus, but his friend, Recluse, doesn't really contribute much to the friendship.  She had no fucking idea that friendships take work or encourage the people to see each other.  He said, "friends eat meals together and go shopping together."  She replied that she didn't know that and asked how many times per month she would be required to do those things in order to be his friend.

Paradox was astounded.  How could she not know this?  How does someone compute the "requirements" of friendship??  He could not give her a specific number, and Recluse became confused.  Paradox also said they should do things outside of their apartments, and again Recluse asked for the amount of times she must do these things.  Paradox told me and J-No about it, so during a particularly boring property law class we came up with Recluse's requirements.  I hope you enjoy them.

The Requirements of Friendship
 (In an On-Campus, Law School Setting)
  1. Whenever you are going shopping or planning an event outside of the apartment inviting your friend is expected unless there is an objectively reasonable excuse not to.  (Examples available upon request.)
  2. You must have dinner with your friend every other Wednesday.  (No strict requirement on where, but as a general rule: 3/4 times it should be out of the apartment.)
  3. You must participate in an outside of apartment event with your friend on Friday of the weeks in which there is no Wednesday dinner requirement.  
  4. You must "hang-out" one Saturday or Sunday night per week.  (3/4 outside to inside apartment ratio: see Rule 2.)
  5. You must make one phone call or in apartment visit per week on a day in which there is no other meeting obligation (Mon., Tues., Thurs. or non-committed weekend day).  
  6. All rules suspended during finals except Rule 1.

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