Sunday, August 7, 2011

Tiffany Stories Part 13

Tiffany and Nick have gone out a couple of times. He had her over to his house where he cooked Chinese food. She says that it smelled great, but tasted terrible. I was out of work for a couple of days and when I got back she had very bad news. Nick was in the hospital!

Here's how it went down: Nick went skiing in Toronto. Why Toronto when there are plenty of great places to ski much closer? Who knows. While he was in Toronto his cousin died. His cousin's name was Ansil Erkil. 

Me: Did you just say ERKIL, like from "Family Matters"?

Tiffany: Yeah. He hates that show.

Me: Is he clumsy?

T: No, he's depressed.

Me: How did he die?

T: He killed himself.

Me: Because of the show?

T: No, Okapi, he drank himself to death.

Me: Why?

T: Because that's how he always said he would kill himself. He's been saying it since he was eight.

So, Nick had to stay an extra couple of days in Toronto because that's where Erkil lived. You can imagine my surprise when the next day Tif told me that Nick was home. I asked what happened with the funeral. She said that it turns out that Erkil had faked his death! 

I asked how and she said that it's really quite simple. He has a friend that works for the newspaper and wrote a fake obituary. (I know that's not how it works, but you know...this is Tiffany we're talking about.) Two of his friends called his parents and told them that he was dead, go look at the paper. So, then everyone believed it to be true until he showed up and let them all know that it was a lesson. They should care more about him. 

When Nick got back into town, he called Tiffany to go see him. She asked her parents permission and drove over to see him. He lives an hour away and she got there at one in the morning. They then played soccer. In the yard. In the dark. She said that it was fun. His friend Steve hit on Tiffany and Nick punched him in the face. Tiffany headed home and Steve drove drunk and caused the car accident that sent Nick to the hospital.

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